Schuetz

"Bad Boys".

If you're a woman, you may be saying "hmmm" as you hear these words. You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself.

There is just SOMETHING about these guys that draws you in, even as your head tells you to "beware"!

So, what exactly is the attraction? It's not necessarily that they are more physically attractive or smarter or more successful than the "nice guys". In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist.

So what is it? Let's begin by defining these guys. This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell?

*calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together

*not showing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology

*never having any money when you are out

* forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates

*flirting openly with other women when you are together

*hitting on your good friend(s)

*making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others

*is doing time for a serious felony

Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's instead examine what it is about the women who can't resist them. The following are actual statements from women who have a history of attraction to these guys. See if any of these sound familiar.

* "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting."

* "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him."

* "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together."

* "I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does."

* "He's so charming and passionate."

* "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me."

* "He needs me."

* "He doesn't come across as needy and desperate."

* "I can't believe I've attracted someone like him."

Now, on the face of these, they seem pretty benign. We all seek at least some of these traits in the men we choose. So, where's the problem?

Essentially it's in his inability to meet the woman's fundamental needs. She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving. The question then lies in; "what's in it for her?"

The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues:

*level of self-esteem

*capacity for intimacy

*roles that she has been in throughout her life

If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship.

If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs.

If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person. She wants him to be a full and active participant in the relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers.

If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available.

If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction.

If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will probably be the role she will seek out in her relationships.

Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues. So the task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship.

Begin with an assessment of what you value most in life and cannot live without.

Go to http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/02oct.htm for an article on "clarifying and living your values".

Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding the right partner for you.

Male sexual attraction is not what most men think it is and this is what this article is all about.

If they got rid of the stereotype and focused on the reality of what women really want, they can be termed a sensational lover. So in terms of male sexual attraction what do women look for? Lets find out.

Its not the size of his manhood, and while looks are important they are not often the over riding consideration for a women, neither is the fact that he has read and practiced numerous sexual positions.

These misconceptions are peddled by the sex and porn industry; however they are not important in terms of male sexual attraction to women, which is based on 4 principles:

1. Appearance

Before we move on to sexual attraction in the bedroom but first, lets quickly cover how a mans appearance and they way he presents himself.

We all know that looks count but there are ways to make the best of what you have.

Most women are just more interested in whats on the inside rather than simply looks.

If you are polite, well mannered, romantic and considerate, these traits will normally impress any women.

You may not look like Tom Cruise or David Beckham but not many people do however there are some simple things you can do to enhance your looks and appeal.

Starting with the face, make sure that your skin is well cleansed, toned, moisturized and always be aware of what women always like in a man which is:

A beautiful smile.

Today, getting an eye catching smile is easy.

Obviously, regular trips to the dentist are a must, but also make sure your teeth are gleaming white. Its a great feature to have and with Tooth whitening kits around for under 50 dollars, you have no excuse.

The way you dress is critical to how people perceive you.

If you dont have an eye for fashion don't worry, invest in an image consultant Its a few hundred dollars well spent and they are trained to show you how to look your best.

Now, the next stage.

What women want in the bedroom and how to satisfy them.

2. Consideration

A great lover is a considerate lover.

You are not there just to satisfy your needs, you need to satisfy your partner as well.

This of course, takes openness and communication. Dont be shy or embarrassed, to ask your partner what she likes and doesnt like.

Your both adults and communication is essential to great sex.

3. Love making technique

There is no such thing as the right way to make love.

We all have different likes, dislikes and things that satisfy us.

There are however some basics that apply to most women.

Women dont normally view sex as simply sex; they view it as forming and exploring an emotional attachment.

They need plenty of foreplay, to relax and enjoy sex and generally, it takes women a lot longer to be ready for intercourse and orgasm.

We have explored foreplay in our other articles but consider this:

90% of women dont feel their men kiss enough! So kissing is a must.

Also:

More than 85% of women are concerned about their bottoms and dont see it a positive feature.

Make sure you boost their confidence. You need to pay it some attention, kiss it, stroke it and tell her you love it.

There are many more tips you can use for foreplay but notice how those two examples are linked to intimacy and emotional bonding, which is essential to becoming a great lover.

Oral sex

Women love it and many women find it easier to orgasm via oral sex rather than full sex.

There are proven techniques that work. Use them and ask her what she wants and how she likes it No single act ( apart from maybe intercourse itself ) will impress a women more than good oral sex.

4. Orgasm & Satisfaction

The aim is to bring your partner to a hugely satisfying climax and for this you must target the G spot.

Do you need to be an Olympic athlete are trying a position from a porno movie?

No.

You just need to learn the top positions of the Kama Sutra and you will find positions that are easy to do and will bring your partner to orgasm.

More to it?

Yes there is.

The positions and techniques are contained in other articles in this series, however the above is a basic framework for you to build on.

If you do, you can become a great lover.

Sounds easy?

It is, you just need to know what a woman really wants and most men dont.

The Evil Eye has been around since the beginning of time. It simply means sending someone a thought that seems intrusive or invasive or has the power to hurt him or her. The bad fortune that results is considered to have been caused by envy. The evil eye is not necessarily considered to be intentional or associated with witchcraft or sorcery. Oddly enough, this thought form could actually be complimentary in nature. The origins of the Evil Eye are Middle-Eastern and Mediterranean. The concept was introduced into the Americas, South Pacific Islands, Asia, Africa and Australia by European explorers.

Sending someone the evil eye comes from the concept that we all have a Third Eye, located in the center of our forehead. Blinding, fogging or obscuring the third eye is often the intent of the energys sender. Most of us have experienced the weird power of the phenomenon. All it takes is a gaze that seems to be unfriendly, indifferent or blank and seems to a couple of seconds too long. We think about it for a few minutes afterwards or perhaps an image of the person staring at us preoccupies our thoughts occasionally for the rest of the day. Perhaps that is why the British and Scottish term for the evil eye is overlooking. It implies that a gaze has remained too long upon the coveted object, person or animal.

The evil eye is also known as the envious or invidious eye. In Italian it is called the malocchio and in Spanish the malojo (loosely translated as the bad eye) The evil eye is known as ayin horeh in Hebrew; ayin harsha in Arabic, droch shuil in Scotland, mauvais oeil in France, bsen Blick in Germany, and was known as oculus malus among the classical Romans.

The original belief is that any person can harm your children, livestock, fruit trees or any other evidence of prosperity just by looking at the spoils of all your good will and hard work with envy. Ironically, the curse of the evil eye is thought to be provoked by inappropriate displays of spiritual pride or excessive beauty. There is a theory that very famous people and celebrities suffer more personal misfortune than others simply because they are subjected to more overlooking and envy than others.

This superstition might have some grounding in evolutionary psychology as usually one animal is thought to dominate or be aggressive to another simply by staring at it for too long. Psychologically speaking, staring or glaring at someone is officially considered an intrusion into your affairs. Apparently, there is a fine line between casting a glance to casting a spell. In these post Celestine Prophecy times, this kind of stare could be compared to a kind of etheric laser beam or amoebic arm that rips open your aura. Others would describe the infliction of the evil eye as the projection of an image (such as the image of the person you have offended or hurt) so that you see only that to the exclusion of all other sight. In other words, you see that person wherever you go or feel that your lifes events are always colored by your dealing with that person. Another symptom is the inability to proceed with ordinary, daily events without feeling somehow compelled to make things right with the person you have often unknowingly offended with your grandiosity.

It is common folklore that the evil eye has a dehydrating effect on its victim. It is thought to cause vomiting, diarrhea, the drying up of the milk of nursing mothers and livestock, problems with the blood, eyesight lack of rain, the drying up of wells, the withering of fruit and impotence in men. Clumsiness, stomachaches, dry coughs, diarrhea, itching, hair loss, dry skin are all thought to be physical symptoms of an evil eye attack e. On the astral level it is thought to cause the drying up of prana, chi, life force and the easy flow of prosperity in life. Part of this image might derive from the idea also, of muddy, murky or poisoned vision that is somehow attached to the victims third eye.

Almost everywhere that the evil eye belief exists, it is said to be caused accidentally by envy or praise. Thus the phrase Pride Goeth Before a Fall In certain Mediterranean and eastern cultures, one is careful not to praise a child too much, lest it invite the subconscious balancing effect of the evil eye. A classic situation would be the barren woman who praises the newborn baby of a new child. Such praise would be considered inappropriate and thought to bring the evil child. One of the remedies for this would be for the mother to spit, to symbolically rehydrate the situation. Also, she may speak ill of the child OT counteract the effects of the praise, which might have malefic effects on the child later.

The belief that individuals have the power to cast the evil eye on purpose is more idiosyncratic to Sicily and Southern Italy, although the belief has certainly spread elsewhere to the Southern United States and the Latin Americas. Such people are known as jettatore (projectors). They are not necessarily considered evil or envious, just born with an unfortunate embarrassing talent that causes others to avoid them. In ancient cultures, if you were thought to be the possessor of an evil eye, you were often negated by the rest of society and went unrecognized on the street without meeting anyones eyes.

Perhaps one of the most familiar preventative measures against the evil eye is the hand gesture. The Mano Cornufo or Horned Hand involves extending the first and index fingers from a fist. The Mano Fico or Fig hand involves placing the thumb in between first and second fingers. Historically there have been many cures for the evil eye:

In Italy, the evil eye is diagnosed by dripping olive oil into a vessel filled with water. If the oil conglomerates into the shape of an eye than the victim is considered officially cursed. Prayers are recited until the droplets of oil no longer create an eye shape.

In Eastern Europe charcoal, coal or burnt match heads are dropped into a pan of water/. If the items float then the person is considered to be the victim of a curse.

In the Ukraine, a form of ceromancy or candle reading is used to diagnose the curse. Melted wax is dripped from a candle into a pan of water. If the wax spits, splatters, or sticks to the side of the bowl then the patient is considered to be under the influence of the malefic eye. Usually the patient is cleansed with Holy Water. He or she is pronounced cured when the dripped wax sinks the bottom of the bowl in a round ball.

In Greece Mexico and other places, the official cure is to invite the culprit responsible for the evil eye to spit in a vessel of the holy water that is consumed by the victim.

In Mexico, rolling a raw egg over the body of the victim is the antidote. Afterwards, it is cracked open and if the metaphysician or healer divines the shape of an eye in the yolks then the person is considered to be cursed. Several eggs may be repeatedly rolled over the persons body until an egg without an eye if found. Sometimes the egg is placed underneath the persons bed overnight and cracked open in the morning.

In China the remedy for the evil eye is the Pa Kua mirror, a six-sided mirror that is hung on the front door or placed in the front window to reverse bad energy back to the sender. Some of these mirrors are convex to reflect back the bad poison darts or arrows of multiple ill wishers and some are concave to reflect energy in a definite direction back at, for instance, a nosy neighbor, whose gaze may have lingered on your garden of tulips for too long. In Feng Shui, mirrors are often used as a cure all to reflect negative energy back at all kinds of things people, bad architecture, traffic, neighbors, physical obstructions such as trees or rocks or anything else that might considered to be a conductor of Har Shui (negative vibrations).

In India the mirroring back of the evil eye takes the form of small mirrors that are sewn, braided or crocheted into clothing. This mirroring back of bad energy is also familiar to practitioners of Wicca and Lukumi or Santeria. In India, the human eye is also considered to be a mirror of the soul. Indian women wear kohl or heavy black makeup to emphasize their eyes not only to shield themselves from evil eye but also to prevent themselves from accidentally inflicting it on others. In India cords strung with blue beads are placed on newborn babies. When the cord breaks and the beads are lost the child is considered to have a strong enough aura to protect him or herself from the evil eye. Red cords worn upon the wrist or neck are thought to have a powerful effect against ocular malevolence. A silver charm called Eye of Buddha which references the Gautama Buddha is also worn against astral attack.

In Italy, gold, silver or gems carved or cast into the shape of the Mano Fica or Mano Cornufa are used to repel the evil. The most coveted ones are made of red coral, but many versions exist today made of gemstones and plastic. They are worn by men to protect against the withering of the genitals thought to be caused by the bad eye. Also Italian in origin is the Corno or horn or devils horn amulet that is thought to protect against the same dysfunction. The womens version is made from a twig of red coral.

In Arab cultures, superstitious types wear an eye in the form of a stone cast in the center of a hand shaped bone or metal charm A common Egyptian charm is the Buckle of Isis which represents the menstrual pad of the Goddess Isis who was the Mother of all living things. Stuffing a little prayer or spell inside a locket that is hung around the neck is the common European custom for protecting oneself against deadly gazes.

A light worker such as myself might advise you to protect yourself in the following contemporary ways:

Always maintain the belief that nobody has the power to hurt you with a look. This in itself is a very powerful thought form.

Before you go out, imagine that your third eye is actually covered by something that looks like a small pocket mirror. If you are a psychic or a healer then simply close your third eye and dont open it unless you want to look.

If you are feeling haunted or upset as the result of a look, press your thumb hard into the center of your forehead and imagine your third eye quickly flipping. Flick the energy away with your thumb and snap your fingers.

Always remember that what you resist often persists. The phrase Oh, so what! is one of the most powerful chemicals in the universe that you can use to dissolve negative energy.

The introduction of the concept of evidence-based medicine caused a radical overhaul of the way that medicine was practised. No longer was it enough to prescribe treatments based on age-old traditions, or even on anecdotal evidence (Jack Smith used such-and-such a remedy for his condition, and now he is cured!). Instead, the scientific method gained prominence, with all old and new ideas being rigorously tested in massive clinical trials. Because of this, treatment modalities are constantly evolving, with trends being developed and either accepted or rejected by the medical community.

Nowhere is this more prominently illustrated than in the attempted development of a consistent treatment plan for polycystic ovarian syndrome. PCOS consists of a complex and highly variable collection of symptoms, which respond in an almost erratic way to individual treatment modalities. In other words, what works for a certain symptom in one person, may not work for that symptom in another, or may only work to a much lesser extent. Add this to the fact that endocrinologists and gynaecologists differ significantly in their management of PCOS, and you have a recipe for confusion.

However, a few consistently effective treatment strategies have emerged. The first of these targets individual symptoms as and when they occur, whereas the second approach attempts to address the underlying hormonal and metabolic disturbances. These include insulin resistance and its associated long-term risks of developing type 2 diabetes and cardiovascular disease, as well as increased levels of luteinising hormone and consequent elevated free androgen levels. Although the first approach is more commonly used than the second, addressing the underlying problems often leads to a marked improvement in individual symptoms.

Women with PCOS tend to present to their doctors with specific problems. These include hirsutism (with male pattern hair distribution as well as male pattern hair loss), acne, menstrual irregularities, and most distressing of all, infertility. Acne and hirsutism are both due to excess androgens (such as testosterone) and are therefore usually treated by prescribing the combined oral contraceptive, or COC. Some COCs are more frequently used than others, as they contain progestins which are less androgenic than those in other COCs. One of the newer COCs (Yasmin), contains drosperinone, which is actually antiandrogenic.

Use of the COC is not without problems, though. It is associated with an increased risk of thromboembolic disease (or clotting problems), including heart attacks and strokes, especially in those with underlying risk factors like obesity, high blood pressure, cholesterol abnormalities and diabetes (which are all very common in PCOS). The COC is not recommended for smokers, especially over the age of 35. Recent studies have shown a possible tendency for the COC to actually aggravate insulin resistance. And the COC is, by definition, not suitable for women who want to conceive. It may therefore be best to reserve the COC for younger women who dont smoke, and who have fewer risk factors, and less severe insulin resistance.

Other medications that have been used with some success in the management of hirsutism and acne include spironolactone, flutamide and cyproterone acetate. Eflornithine is a topical cream which is used for facial hirsutism it inhibits hair growth. Metformin and the newer insulin sensitisers (such as Actos and Avandia) have also been successful in treating acne and hirsutism, probably also by decreasing androgen levels. It is important to be aware that most acne treatments will only show an improvement after two months, and hirsutism may take up to six months to respond to medication.

Both metformin and the COC have been used to treat menstrual irregularities; metformin having the added advantage of inducing ovulation in many women. Because of this it has been used for the treatment of infertility, with or without clomiphene, which also induces ovulation. Gonadotropins are also used to stimulate ovulation, but should be used with caution in PCOS sufferers, as there is an up to seven-fold increased risk of causing ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, which can be very serious.

Laparoscopic ovarian drilling also stimulates ovulation, and, like metformin, results in the lowering of circulating androgen levels. Metformin also appears to reduce the risk of early miscarriage as well as the risk of abnormalities in the foetus, and prevents the onset of gestational diabetes in a significant number of women who take it during pregnancy.

The reason for the success of metformin in treating most, if not all, the aspects of PCOS probably lies in its ability to target the underlying insulin resistance. This property also targets the more long-term problems associated with polycystic ovarian syndrome. The risk of developing type 2 diabetes is reduced. Blood pressure and cholesterol levels are lowered, in this way further reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease.

Unfortunately metformin does not work equally effectively for everyone with PCOS. This is most likely due to the enormous variability of PCOS, especially with regard to the degree of insulin resistance experienced by each individual woman. It seems that, in general, metformin works best for those who have more severe insulin resistance. Having said this, however, it is very difficult to predict anyones clinical response to this versatile drug, and it may be a good idea for every woman who has been diagnosed with PCOS to have a trial of treatment with metformin, both to assess its clinical effects as well as any potential side effects. Other newer insulin sensitisers may be used instead, but their full effects need to be studied further.

As you can see, treating PCOS is no easy task. Not only are the medications and their effects hugely complicated, they are also being used off code for the time being. In spite of the fact that PCOS is the most common hormonal condition affecting younger women today, there are currently no FDA approved medications for its treatment!

Fortunately there is one final management option that is open to everyone, and that is lifestyle modification. Weight loss works wonders for all the symptoms of PCOS, and the higher the starting body mass index, the more marked the response to weight loss. Its not the easiest option, as anyone with insulin resistance will tell you, but its cheap and doesnt involve taking tablets every day, depending on what doctors prescribe for you.

As far as PCOS is concerned, lifestyle changes are very underrated. Stopping smoking, a low carb diet, and moderate regular exercise can make an enormous difference both for quality of life, and for long-term risk factors. Its one way in which sisters can do it for themselves!

Do you budget your spending? Or are you addicted to shopping? Research shows that shopping addiction affects mainly women while alcoholism affects men. Items which top a womans shopping list are clothes, makeup and jewelery.

You may have an internet shopping addiction if you spend a major part of your time online shopping for alluring products that seem just a mouse click away. If the only channel you watch on the telly is the home network, you could be at risk for a home network shopping addiction.

Causes Of Shopping Addiction

Shopoholics get a high from an addictive behavior like shopping. During shopping sprees endorphins and dopamine, naturally occurring opiate receptor sites in the brain get switched on making the person feel good. The nicer this feeling is the person is likely to shop more.

To capitalize on this compulsive shopping instinct - shops display similar items alluringly side by side - making customers pick up what they want or desire rather than what they need being quite oblivious of the fact that ones money is after all limited.

Shopping addiction is rooted in complex psychological reasons. Shopping may just be a means of escapism from the realities of life and its accompanying problem - an outlet to anger, depression, anxiety, boredom or loneliness.

Shopping cures none of your woes. It just seems to provide some instant relief. The long-term effects of shopping addiction can include debt and damage to close relationships.

Like most addictions, shopping addiction may be the result of trying to fill a void in your life with materialistic things, and gives only temporary happiness.

How To Treat Your Shopping Addiction

Treatment for compulsive shopping is like any other addiction. Shopping addiction may be treated with psychotropic drugs and counseling.

Here are some simple tips to recover from a shopping addiction:

• Be honest and admit you have a problem.

• Take professional help and speak to wise and empathetic non-shopoholic friends who can offer unbiased moral support and positive encouragement to help you overcome your addiction.

• Chalk out a budget and ascertain a fixed amount, which you can spend on your personal shopping. Categorize items on your shopping list as necessities, comforts and luxuries with the help of your therapist. Try to minimize expenses on luxuries and judiciously monitor purchases of comforts.

• With the help of a mental health professional identify all the stages in the compulsive buying cycle- the triggers, feelings, dysfunctional thoughts, typical behavior and consequences. Try to break the vicious cycle of shopping sprees.

• Try to keep credit and debit cards just for emergencies. These cards just add fuel to fire in your shopping addiction. In fact canceling them wont be a bad idea.

• Dont subscribe to shopping catalog's. Dont even visit sales or discount warehouses as they may make you spend more in the long run. Avoid watching shopping programs on TV and try not to obsess over advertisements in magazines and newspapers. Divert your attention when you come across such advertisements. Also avoid window-shopping as before long you may end up in purchasing what you covet for but cant really afford.

• Keep yourself busy throughout the day in work and various other hobbies. Dont allow shopping to be your major or only hobby.

• Try to be farsighted. Understand that saving money will help you to buy an asset your family really wants in the future - a house or a car or be used for emergencies and dry days.

Pops first set the goal in high school, but when he graduated he thought he wasnt mature enough to pursue it so he enlisted in the U.S. Army.

He dreamed about it as a member of the 82nd Airborne as he became an Army Ranger. Later, in the first Gulf War, he thought about his goal again, as he also did during his service in the Kosovo conflict. For 20 years, through his Army career, a war, marriage and six children, Pops kept the dream and the goal alive.

Never mind that he was considered far too old to pursue his dream, Pops just couldnt let go.

When he retired from the Army at 39, he decided it was finally time to do something about the goal hed set so many years before. He moved his family to Columbia, South Carolina and enrolled as a freshman at the University of South Carolina.

No, he wasnt considered too old for that. Many others, much older, have pursued college degrees for the first time. What Tim Pops Frisby did was even more special. At an age when even most professional players have hung up there helmets, he began working out with the South Carolina Gamecocks football team during the winter. Working out with players half his age, all of whom were young enough to be his son, he competed for a position on a Division One major College Football Team.

It was a goal that Pops had lived with for a long time and he began to realize it when coaches invited him back for fall drills. When South Carolina kicked off their season against the University of Georgia, Tim Frisby was on the sidelines wearing Gamecock jersey number 89. On September 25th, against Troy, the legendary Lou Holtz, head coach at South Carolina, sent Pops into the game for its final four plays. I have a lot of respect for the guy, Holtz said. A Ranger, 20 years in the Army, six kids. He loves this team. I thought it would be good to get him in. Im sorry we could not throw it to him. But knowing the way that Pops Frisby makes his dreams come true, thats just a matter of time.

Frisby, who turns 40 in February, has been featured on ESPNs College GameDay. ABCs Good Morning America, CNN, the New York Times and the Los Angeles Times are all planning stories.

Incidentally, the father of six between the ages of six months and 16, also maintains a 3.88 (out of a possible 4.0) grade point average.

Still think its too late for your dream? Goal setting and goal starting is a process that can start at any age and at any time. Theres no need to wait until January 1st to set or start a goal. Goal setting and goal starting doesnt have to take place at the first of the month, or even the first of the week. I once started on a big goal at midnight on the 24th of the month.

Tim Frisby accomplished his goal and realized his dream for two simple reasons: he never let time take his dream away, and when the time finally came, he took action. It worked for Pops -- and itll work for you too!

2004 Vic Johnson

Balancing Your Work, Family and Social Life

By Gene Griessman, PhD

Many of us have an image of personal balance as a set of scales in perfect balance every day. But thats an unrealistic goal. You are in for a lot of frustration if you try to allocate within every day a predetermined portion of time for work, family and your social life. An illness may upset all your plans. A business project may demand peaks of intense work, followed by valleys of slow time.

Balance requires continual adjustments, like an acrobat on a high wire who constantly shifts his weight to the right and to the left. By focusing on four main areas of your life emotional/spiritual needs, relationships, intellectual needs and physical needs at work and away from work, you can begin to walk the high wire safely.

Here, drawn from my conversations with many high successful Americans, are ten ideas for balancing all aspects of your life:

1. Make an appointment with yourself. Banish from your mind the idea that everyone takes precedence over you. Dont use your organizer or calendar just for appointments with others. Give yourself some prime time. Regularly do something you enjoy. It will recharge your batteries. Once youve put yourself on your calendar, guard those appointments. Kay Koplovitz founder of the USA cable television network, which is on the air 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. Koplovitz ran the daily operations of the network for 21 years. For more than two decades, there was always some potential claim on her time. Therefore she vigilantly protected a scheduled tennis match just as she would a business appointment.

2. Care for your body. Having a high energy level is a trait held by many highly successful people. No matter what your present level of energy, you can increase it by following these steps:

Eat. Dont skip meals. Your physical and mental energy depend upon nourishment. Irregular eating patterns can cause a frayed temper, depression, lack of creativity and a nervous stomach.

Exercise. Over and over again, highly successful people mention the benefit of exercise routines. Johnetta Cole, president of Bennett College for Women and former president of Spelman College, does a four-mile walk each morning. She calls it her mobile meditation. The benefits of exercise are mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. If you are healthier and have more stamina, you can work better and longer.

Rest. A psychologist who has studied creative people reports that they rest often and sleep a lot.

3. Cut some slack. You do not have to do everything. Just the right things. Publisher Steve Forbes taught me a lesson: Dont be a slave to your in-box. Just because theres something there doesnt mean you have to do it. As a result, every evening, I extract from my long list to-do list just a few musts for the following day. If, but three oclock the next day, Ive crossed off all the musts, I know that everything else I do that day will be icing on the cake. It is a great psychological plus for me.

There is nothing wrong with pushing yourself hard, disciplining yourself to

do what needs to be done when you hold yourself to the highest standards. That builds up stamina and turns you into a pro. At time, though, you must forgive yourself. You will never become 100 percent efficient, nor should you expect to be. After something does not work, ask yourself, Did I do my best? If you did, accept the outcome. All you can do is all you can do.

4. Blur the boundaries. Some very successful people achieve balance by setting aside times or days for family, recreation, hobbies or the like. They create boundaries around certain activities and protect them. Other individuals who are just as successful do just the opposite. They blur the boundaries. Says consultant Alan Weiss, I work out of my home. In the afternoon, I might be watching my kids play at the pool or be out with my wife. On Saturday, or at ten oclock on a weeknight, I might be working. I do things when the spirit moves me, and when theyre appropriate.

Some jobs dont lend themselves to this strategy. But blurring the boundaries is possible more often than you may think. One way is to involve people you care about in what you do. For example, many companies encourage employees to bring their spouses to conferences and annual meetings. Its a good idea. If people who mean a great deal to you understand what you do, they can share more fully in your successes and failures. They also are more likely to be a good sounding board for your ideas.

5. Take a break. Many therapists believe that taking a break from a work routine can have major benefits for mental and physical health. Professional speaker and executive coach Barbara Pagano practices a kind of quick charge, by scheduling a day every few months with no agenda. For her, that means staying in her pajamas, unplugging the phone, watching old movie or reading a novel in bed. For that one day, nothing happens, except what she decides from hour to hour. Adds singer and composer Billy Joel, There are times when you need to let the field lie fallow. Joel is describing what farmers often do: let a plot rest so the soil can replenish itself.

6. Take the road less traveled. Occasionally, get off the expressway and take a side road, literally and figuratively. That road may take you to the library or to the golf course. Do something out of the ordinary to avoid the well-worn grooves of your life. Try a new route to work, a different radio station or a different cereal. Break out of your old mold occasionally, with a new way to dress or a different hobby. The road less traveled can be a reward after a demanding event, a carrot that you reward your self with or it can be a good way to loosen up before a big event. Bobby Dodd, the legendary football coach at Georgia Tech, knew the power of this concept. While other coaches were putting their teams through brutal twice-a-day practices, Dodds team did their drills and practices, but then took time to relax, play touch football and enjoy the bowl sites. Did the idea work? In six straight championships games!

7. Be still. Susan Taylor, editorial director of Essence, sees to it that she has quiet time every morning. She regards it as a time for centering for being still and listening. She keeps a paper and pen with her to jot down ideas that come to her. The way you use solitary time should match your values, beliefs and temperament. Some individuals devote a regular time each day to visualize themselves attaining their goals and dreams. Others read, pray, meditate, do yoga or just contemplate a sunrise or sunset. Whatever form it takes, time spent alone can have an enormous payoff. Achievers talk about an inner strength they find and how it helps them put competing demands into perspective. They feel more confident about their choices and more self-reliant. They discover a sense of balance, a centeredness.

8. Be a peacetime patriot. Joe Posner has achieved wealth and recognition selling life insurance. Several years ago, Posner helped form an organization in his hometown of Rochester, NY to prepare underprivileged children for school and life and, he hopes, break the poverty cycle. You may find some equally worthy way to give something back through your church, hospital, civic club, alumni association or by doing some pro bono work. Or you may help individuals privately, even anonymously. There are powerful rewards for balancing personal interests with the needs of the common good. One of the most wonderful is the sheer joy that can come from giving. Another reward is the better world that you help create.

9. Do what you love to do. As a boy, Aaron Copeland spent hours listening to his sister practice the piano because he loved music. By following that love, he became Americas most famous composer of classical must. When I asked him years later if he had even been disappointed by that choice Copeland replied, My life has been enchanting. What a word to sum up a life. By itself, loving what you do does not ensure success. You need to be good at what you love. But if you love what you do, the time you spend becoming competent is less likely to be drudgery.

10. Focus on strategy. As important as it is, how to save time for balancing your life is not the ultimate question. That question is, What am I saving time for? Strategy has to do with being successful but successful at what? If others pay your salary, being strategic generally means convincing them that you are spending your time in a way that benefits them. If there is a dispute over how you should use your time, either convince the people who can reward or punish you that your idea about using time is appropriate, or look for another job. The what for? question should also be asked about the life you live. It is truly a comprehensive question and gets at the question of wholeness.

So what makes for a successful balance life? I can think of no better definition than the one given by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because I have lived. This is to have succeeded.