Schuetz

A day to recognize the thousands of women whose adoption choice give other women the opportunity to celebrate Mothers Day.

It is appropriate that the day before Mothers Day is recognized as a day to honor birthmothers. In a world where thousands of children are adopted each year, it is essential to take this opportunity to show respect for the women who first loved them. While stories of adoption steal the spotlight week after week, the birthmothers side is often left untold.

This is changing with the release of BECAUSE I LOVED YOU: A Birthmothers View Of Open Adoption (Goblin Fern Press, 2006). In the book, I share my journey in choosing adoption for my son Joe in 1985 and the growing relationship with his adoptive parents through his high school graduation. In order to dispel the myths regarding birthmother's it's important for people to hear the struggle women face when making this decision. For me, I began to imagine what life would be like if I kept my babyI was lonely, worried about money, working all the time. I imagined my child wandering into neighbors apartments looking for friends, someone to be a father. These thoughts always lead to screaming into my pillow out of frustration. After much consideration I knew that keeping him would be for ME, but placing him for adoption was best for HIM. I loved him enough to put his needs before mine. This is what birthmother's face, making a decision that will be hurtful to them in order to do what is best for their child.

During my quest for an answer, I met with other birthmothers and was surprised at what I heard from them. My family had been emphasizing to me that if I chose adoption, I would then be able to forget, put it behind me, get on with a normal life. While it seemed the women had indeed gone on with their lives, no one was forgetting a thing. I learned from those mothers that, yes, they did suffer loss, but what mattered most was that their babies would be happy.

I was lucky that a new wave of adoption had begun: open adoption. I had ongoing contact with my sons adoptive family and as the trust and respect grew, so did our commitment to each other and the boy we loved. Today, over 90% of domestic adoptions are open arrangements.

This building of a relationship was celebrated at my sons high school graduation. During the ceremony, the principal asked the parents responsible for getting their children through life to this day to stand. I sat and watched as Kathy and Jerry stood on either side of me. Then, simultaneously, they looked down to me and reached out their hands. Kathy said, "You belong here too," and holding my hands tight, they pulled me up to stand between them. My story mirrors that of thousands of other birthmothers, and on this special day, let us recognize their loss, their bravery, and their love.

Because I Loved You has been hailed by national adoption agencies as a roadmap to open adoption for all members and is available at many bookstores and online. A signed copy can be purchased at http://www.patriciadischler.com

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Patricia Dischler, Author, "Because I Loved You: Understanding A Birthmother's View of Adoption," http://www.patriciadischler.com