Schuetz

When

Often we have to ask ourselves, does he/she really love me? Is he/she really in love with me? Am I in love with him/her? Do I really love him/her? These are questions of the heart and only you know the answer. However, there are indicators to help us understand the answer to our question of being in love and knowing when someone is in love with us.

When there is a question, there is undoubtedly an answer. It may not be the answer we are looking for, but there is an answer. The key to receiving the answer is being able to accept the truth. Sometimes we dont want to know the truth because it hurts. It hurts because we want things our way, just like we dreamed it up. Unfortunately, life cannot always be the dream that we want it to be. Sometimes, maybe most of the time for most of us, life is not the dream we want at all, not anything close to it. Its important to understand that love does not love anyone, it just loves love. This is why it is so easy to fall in love and so difficult to stay in love. Love is! And that is it. The Bible says that there is no greater love than this, than a man lay down his life for his friend (John chapter 15 verse 13). If this is an indicator of someone being in love then we must be able to answer the question: Would I die for him/her? and would he/she die for me?

Often in relationships people neglect to embrace the truth of who they are and therefore cannot understand themselves enough to answer questions of love. For example, I have often asked this question of someone whom I was very interested in, What did you not know about the person you just broke up with that you learned later in the relationship? If a person is really truthful about this, they would say exactly what they learned down the road that they did not know in the beginning of the relationship. Often it is these things we find out later about a person that makes us change our mind about being with them. The response I typically get is, I cannot answer that question. Or I have to think about that? This indicates that there is nothing that they did not know from the beginning. The next question I typically ask is even more provocative and to the point, Did you pay attention to what you knew about the person or did you think you could change them or they would change later on in the relationship? The answer for this one is always, I just thought things would change. The point here is if you are honest with yourself and the person you are interested in, and truly pay attention to who you are and what you are about, you would not allow yourself to get into relationships where you had to change something about someone or wait for them to change something about themselves. This goes to that old clich Be true to yourself. This is not to say that people dont change, rather the change should be for the better, not the worse.

You see, answering the above questions honestly will give you power to embrace the truth about you. When you know the truth about you, it will allow you to deal with others with more honesty and truth as well. Now here is the touchy part, can you ask this question of someone you are in love with and accept their answer? When you make up your mind that you are in love with someone, does that mean that they must be in love with you? If so, then you are not really in love, you are in need of a hug. You cannot force anyone to be in love with you. This is what makes many marriages fail, people try to force each other to be in love and it ends up destroying the relationship. Being in love is something that must be voluntary. Some of the books on the subject of relationships and finding someone to fall in love with and have them fall in love with you are nothing more than a cookbook for a bad relationship. The famed game of love is just that, a game. You should take note, that as in all games, there are winners and losers. However, you should also know that Love is not a game, it is a life style and you need to be able to commit to that life style like a religion, with your mate, and like wise your mate must be able to commit to you in the same way.

How

There is nothing more to knowing if that man or that woman is in love with you or if you are in love with them. There is no secret, there is no game, there is only the truth. The truth is being willing to die for that person and that person being willing to die for you. In a since that is what marriage is all about: Two people dying as individuals and becoming a new person together. Working together, pulling together, pushing together and being in love together for ever.

Now the term die does not mean that you will actually go through with it at some point and end your life. God willing both of you will live a long time and be happy together. However, it does mean that when it comes to satisfying each other and making each other happy that you would put your inhibitions aside (kill your fears and worries) and do what is necessary to make your mate happy and like wise your mate must be able to do the same for you. If there is no reciprocity, then there is no love. Reciprocity does not mean a quid pro quo. In other words, never get into a situation where you only will do what your mate will do for you. This is not love. Sometimes you will give more then your mate and other times your mate will give more than you. This is how it will always be. There is no such thing as 50/50 love. Forget that Teddy Pendergrass song from back in the day, it only sounds good. When you find yourself giving more than your mate, just remember, this is the person you are in love with and this person is in love with you. The Bible says that charity covers a multitude of sins (I Peter Chapter 4 Verse 8 KJV). The definition of charity is: lenient judgment of others. You must be willing and able to have lenient judgment of the person you are in love with. Be willing to grow with your mate through communication when mistakes are made. This is an on going thing, it never ends as long as you both live.

Why

The Bible explains the greatest thing is charity: And now abide faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity (I Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 13 KJV). It also says And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. (I Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 2 KJV) When you consider what charity brings to a relationship, if you cannot show charity between each other, but everything else is simply wonderful, your relationship really is nothing.

Last, but not least, a clear indicator of someone being in love with you is when they can keep other people out of your personal relationship with them. Your friends and family may mean well, but you are not in love with them and they apparently cannot be in love with you like your mate. Otherwise, why do you even need to be with your mate? Keep your friends and family, but keep them out of your relationship when it comes to making yourself and your mate happy. A good Bible scripture for this is Mathew Chapter 6 verses 3 and 4: But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly.

Everyone does not need to be a mentor or counselor in your relationship with your mate. Learn how to keep most intimate things between you and your mate to yourself. I am not talking about abusive things, just personal things that should only be between you two.

You can tell when someone is in love with you when they are willing to consistently show charity and demonstrate unselfishness toward you and your needs. This does not mean that you should take kindness for weakness. This would be a big mistake. Often people show charity and love for their mate, but the mate takes it for granted and begins simply ignoring the truth of true love. Love just loves love and if love does not receive love back, then it will soon find another love. This again is a form of being able to die for them and they should reciprocate willing to die for you (die in the sense of putting there own selfishness aside to make you happy and you being able to do the same for them) with cheerfulness.

Pastor Ethan is a character based on Author, Nevada York from her novel, Mahoganys Revelation. Pastor Ethan resides in the Bay Area of California. http://nevadayork.com