Schuetz

Do you want to fall in love and feel intense chemistry for someone? Do you want passion in your relationship, with sparks flying when you look in each other's eyes? Most of us look for someone we can feel this way about.

However, many people find that when the romance wears off, they dont even like the person they chose and the chemistry has evaporated.

It is important to feel that chemical connection with someone, but beyond chemistry, there are multiple ways that couples experience attraction. For some people, the heady aura of romantic love comes after they have connected spiritually and intellectually. Below are some of the other qualities that attract people to one another:

Intellect

Two people having equal intelligence is a good indicator that there may be a strong foundation for a relationship, if other factors are in place (spiritual, chemistry, values.) This is why internet dating sites have become legitimate avenues for singles to meet. People get to know each other by exchanging thoughts first. When both people are willing to be challenged intellectually, and learn and grow from their communication, it is likely they will never grow tired of each others company.

Security

Some people need safety of some kind, whether emotional or material. The greatest problem in being drawn to someone for security is that the temperature of the relationship can rise and fall depending on the economic climate (which may depend on the economic fluctuations in the country). And often, when someone seeks an emotional cushion, the person they have found is actually the one who needs the most support, and has little to give in return. True security comes when both people know who they are; what they want; and are both capable of taking full responsibility for themselves.

Shared Interests

We all look for someone who likes to do some of the things we like to do. It doesnt have to be everything, but if each party has enough in common that they can enjoy together, their bond will deepen. They may like hiking, camping, travel, dancing, or cheering for the same football team.

Values

A relationship cannot last if both people dont share the same values. If one person feels they must deny any of their core values for the relationship to survive, resentment will erode whatever foundation the relationship was built on.

Attitude

Many people bond around a shared perspective on the world. The most resilient bonds are those that are able to view life together with humor. Any problems that come their way are approached with wit, grace, and the ability to see the ridiculous, without wailing about lifes injustices.

Spirituality

Finding a common spiritual ground is a strong bond between people. They will approach life in a similar manner and make decisions each understands, such as how to celebrate the holidays, raise the children, and interact and treat each other consistent with their beliefs.

Creativity

Creative people are able to flex, adapt, and make the changes necessary to move forward. If they have a job or career that becomes obsolete, they go back to school or start a business in a field that is current. If both people in a relationship know how to access their creativity, they will work well together, solving lifes problems in a fluid manner.

The challenge for couples is to get beyond the chemistry before the relationship becomes committed and they discover they dont know each other.

Chemistry is a good thing when it is taken into consideration with the above qualities. But without most of the above, those sparks can turn into cold charcoal.