Schuetz

Youre in love. Or maybe you are in love, sort of, but youve been in it for a while and youre noticing that it just isnt what it used to be. You need an injection of something but all the Cosmopolitan articles youve read and the techniques youve tried havent panned out yet. Whats missing? What is there to learn that will allow you to take the next step in relating to your partner and lover, in and out of the bed?

Everyone gets to this point in a relationship. Everyone. Youre not alone. Your fear of upsetting the balance might keep you from initiating something new. But there are things you need to know and try that dont really have anything to do with the other half of your partnership. They have to do with you and the relationship you have with yourself. And they arent hard. The best part is that these 5 Keys will give you the tools you need to really love yourself. Some of them will even help you with your other relationships in life.

Pleasure Is Your Birthright
Our bodies are pleasure instruments that need to be played to stay in tune. Why would nature have given you erogenous zones if you werent meant to do something with them? By learning to play that instrument, with all the skill you can develop, you train your body to receive great amounts of pleasure. When you know how to receive your view of the world changes. You begin to see the world as benevolent and trustworthy. Then you give that energy back to the people in your life.

You Are Responsible For Your Own Pleasure
No one gives you orgasms and pleasure. You do. Its that simple. Your lover isnt the responsible one. So to embody this responsibility you need to know your own body and what pleasures it. You need to advocate for your own pleasure. Learn how your body responds to touch and develop ways to enhance the experience. Learn about your body your clitoris, your lingam (penis in Sanskrit), your Yoni (vagina in Sanskrit), your G-spot, your prostate, your breasts, your inner thighs, your ears every part of you that can receive pleasure. Learn about your heart.

Focus and Presence
The only time a relationship really works is when both people are in the here and now. This principle shows up most dramatically in sex and lovemaking. If your mind is on something else, you cannot make authentic contact. Your partner knows this subconsciously. Presence is a prerequisite for great sex and great sex is a pathway to greater presence. The more honest, fully present sex you have the more it serves as a practice for your daily focus and presence. Its a great feedback loop!

Telling the Truth and Trust
If you want to have an intimate relationship, not a superficial one, complete honesty is necessary. If you keep secrets from your partner, you are affirming that you cannot trust that this person has your best interests at heart. Vulnerability, the kind where you say what is really true for you in a soft, truthful way, is the best way to have a lover, or anyone for that matter, move closer to you. When we self-disclose about something that is standing in our way emotionally we allow the other person the space to love us more, to see us better and to relate to our vulnerabilities and strengths. Telling the truth breaks down barriers between people and allows the truth to shine.

Risk Taking
You wont get anywhere with out it. Taking small, calculated risks in your life and in your relationships will give you confidence, even in the times when the risk doesnt turn out like you hoped it would. This is how we build character and personality. By taking risks, like telling your lover how you like to be touched and where you liked to be touched, you can only win. Your partner doesnt want to be a mind reader. Thats a hard task. Give them a break, and give them self-confidence, by telling them what you like and what you dislike about the sex you have with them and the other aspects of relating in your relationship. Be kind and tell them in constructive ways that help them feel empowered. Try it with your kids, parents and co-workers too! Practicing these simple tips will improve the way you feel about your life and will bring big rewards for you and the people you love and admire. Youll gain trust in yourself and improve your self-esteem. Youll also have a lot more fun and pleasure in bed and out of it!

Suzie Heumann has studied, taught, written, spoken and produced instructional videos on the subjects of The Kama Sutra, Tantra and other sexual disciplines since 1987. She currently runs the Internet sites http://www.Tantra.com and http://www.Tantra.org. In addition to her job as Pres/CEO of Tantra.com, she is a well-known radio personality, author and syndicated writer. Suzie contributes to the website's content with articles, secrets, positions, practices and questions and answers. As an award-winning video producer with twenty years of background in the instructional and cultural travel markets, she has brought her skills as an entrepreneur, business owner and video producer to all of her current projects. Suzie has co-produced three instructional videos: Ancient Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy, Multi Orgasmic Response Ecstasy Training for Women and M.O.R.E Training for Men. These films have involved many of the world's best-known teachers of Western Tantra. Suzie is the author of two books published in 2004: The Everything Great Sex Book and The Everything Kama Sutra Book. The Rules of Love is due out 2008.