Schuetz

For many years drinking alcohol, especially beer was a way of life for me. Did I realize it at the time? Nope. Did it make a damn bit of difference to me at the time whether of not drinking was a way of life for me? Nope. Did I really care one way or the other whether? Nope. Not one little bit. And what did this get me. Nothing, not one little thing, unless you consider a decent amount of debt and a dead end job "something".

For many years drinking was a way of life of me, and I never realized it. Through the act of stopping drinking, I came to the realization that I had been sleepwalking through life for the better part of 15 years! I suppose this is what happens when drinking becomes a way of life. Was I an alcoholic, that is to say addicted to drinking? I don't know, all I know id that I drank everyday. When I tired to think of a day that I didn't drink, I couldn't. How much did I drink? Again, I didn't keep a running tally, but I would assume an average of a 12-pack a day. Some days less and on good days (as I used to refer to them) more.

The bottom line was that I drank entirely too much and was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I've heard addiction describes as never getting enough of what you don't want in the first place, and if that's the definition, then I was addicted, because that's how it felt. It was as if I could never get enough. More beer always sounded good and then the next day I would wonder why I actually had more. But again, that's what happens when drinking becomes a way of life.

So, what made me come to these realizations and stop drinking? For me, the final straw was my daughter incarnating into this world, then coming to live with Dad. It's why I see her as being "sent" to save me. I simply refuse to be a bad influence on her or disappoint her in any way. I'm thankful for the perspective that my drinking gave me and I'm equally thankful for my daughter showing up when she did to help me realize all of this.